


Across Dimensions

by VioletFlash



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Barry Allen Loves Iris West, Barry Allen Needs a Hug, Barry Allen has Panic Attacks, Depression, Established Barry Allen/Iris West, F/M, Hurt Barry Allen, Iris West is still in the Mirror Dimension, Married Barry Allen/Iris West, Mirror Dimension, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25389592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletFlash/pseuds/VioletFlash
Summary: Post 6.19.Barry Allen struggles to maintain his sanity with his wife stuck in the Mirror-Dimension.*ABANDONED
Relationships: Barry Allen & Cisco Ramon, Barry Allen & Joe West, Barry Allen/Iris West, Cisco Ramon & Joe West, Kamilla Hwang/Cisco Ramon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Across Dimensions

He recounted what he had said back in his mind. They have hope-he has hope. His father-in-law had returned from Witness Protection and Cisco had called enthusiastically telling him about a potential answer. Barry should be jumping with joy.

He walked out of the S.T.A.R. Labs elevator. It was midnight in Central City. The skies were stormy and the air was bitter. Normally the city was bustling and filled with light. Tonight, however, it was empty. The cars driving down the road weren’t as bright as they usually were. The streetlights were dimmer. Since the death of the Speed Force, Barry had driven everywhere. For the past few weeks, Barry had stopped checking for cars when he turned. He didn’t care how fast he was going down country roads. The seatbelt wasn’t strapped on his chest. It was hanging loosely beside him while he jerked the steering wheel, barely avoiding a wreck. His face didn’t flinch.

The speedster dragged his feet along the tile. He felt like he was floating outside his body. Time was going both so fast and so slow. Painstakingly, heartbreakingly slow. Each step was an eternity and millisecond. He wasn’t thinking right now. The voice in his head was gone. He opened the door to the Cortex. Half of the lights were off, but he liked it better that way. He dragged himself to a chair in front of the head monitor. Barry jerked his jacket off, flinging it half-way across the room. He kicked one shoe off and then the next, flinging them around the room as well. He collapsed his head onto the seat of the chair. His knees hit the floor. He took several, quick breaths in. He couldn’t catch it. Finally, he released them out.

The humming of the lights tore through his ears. The noises outside got louder and louder. He forced his hands to his ears and rubbed around, destroying any sound waves. His eyes felt heavy but he refused to let them close. He took small, impulsive blinks at a time. If he stayed awake he would have to sit in this feeling, but if he slept he would have to do it all over again. Waking up, forcing food in, talking, spreading hope to others. It was too much, too much work. Barry couldn’t do it all over again.

His eyes rolled back. His head jerked up, but his eyes closed. _No, no sleep, not yet_. That went on for longer than Barry could admit.

“You look pathetic.”

He jerked awake again. The hazel eyes bouncing across the room to find the sound. He stopped on a figure. It couldn’t be. He turned his head away. This had to be a trick.

“Barry. C’mon, look at me.” She said. Suddenly she was in the doorway of the Cortex looking down on him. She was in the last clothes he had seen her in: a messy ponytail in an oversized S.T.A.R. Labs sweatshirt and sleep shorts. He couldn’t help it. He looked up at her. Her face was furious and her teeth were clenched. He had never seen her look at him this way. Tears started falling instantly.

“You have got to be kidding me. You’re crying. Really?” His wife spat. His eyes darted everywhere but her face. “The Flash on his knees, crying. Can’t even look at his wife. That’s how bad he failed.”

He clenched his eyes shut, but she didn’t go away. She was in his head, he couldn’t run.

“Y-You’re not real. She-she wouldn’t say that.” He croaked. A sob escaped afterward.

“You don’t know that, Barry. You haven’t seen me in, what, five weeks? I could really be saying all this stuff.”

“No. Iri-She would never say this.” His head fell from the chair into his lap. He hugged himself.

“Say my name!” Her shout echoed through the empty room. He flinched. Her face scrunched. His shoulders tensed up to his chin. He sobbed louder. “You’re so pathetic. Say my name!”

“Iris.” He wailed. He repeated himself multiple times, getting quieter and quieter. Her smile flashed through his head. He wailed again.

“The fastest man alive. I thought you were stronger than this, Barry. What a letdown. Your mother would be so disappointed in her ‘beautiful boy’.” She taunted. He gasped in pain and clawed his stomach. “You can’t seem to keep anyone, huh Barry? Too slow.”

“Stop it!” Another voice cried. It… Was another Iris. She was dressed the same but her face was softer and she radiated joy. She stood beside the angrier Iris. Barry looked up at her. His cheeks and nose were puffed, and his face was splotchy. His eyes were completely red. Snot ran into his mouth. He reached out for her but passed through her arm. His eyes widened and his heart dropped. She gave him an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, you can’t touch me, Barr. Neither of us is really here.”

“Don’t apologize to him! He can’t even save us. His so-called lightning rod. ‘Love of his life’. How’s the Speed Force doing Barry? Oh wait, it’s also gone because of you.”

“Don’t listen to her Barr. You’ll find us, you always do.”

“Don’t reassure him. He doesn’t deserve our love.”

“Barr, ignore her.”

“Don’t you dare ignore me, Barry.”

“Barr-”

“Barry!”

“Stop it!” He screamed. His fists pounded his legs and he threw his head on the chair. He screamed more and thrust himself around the floor. He didn’t even hear Cisco’s shouts coming from the hallway. Barry’s fists hit the floor. He kicked around everywhere. His hands then went to his throat and he put pressure. He rasped her name again. If he couldn’t go to sleep, he would make himself.

Cisco’s hands ripped Barry’s hands off his throat. Barry scrunched his nose and opened his eyes. Cisco searched his friend’s face.

“Barry,” He started, but he didn’t know what to say. He had never seen anyone look like this. Barry fell into Cisco, bawling. Cisco wrapped his arms around him as he thought of what to do.

-

“Cisco,” Joe called. It was daybreak now, with orange and pink slowly creeping over the city. It was still cloudy and the streets were still too quiet. However, a serene calmness spread all over. After Barry’s panic attack/meltdown, Cisco sedated him and brought him to the med bay. He called Joe soon after, but he was sleeping so Cisco left a message. As soon as Joe heard what happened he raced to S.T.A.R. Labs to see his son thrashing around in his sleep. Joe now sat at Barry’s bedside, holding him down and rubbing his arms. Cisco was in the Cortex deciphering a message he had received in Atlantis. Barry was stirring awake now and his eyes crept open. “Cisco, he’s waking up.”

“Joe?” Barry croaked. Joe teared up a little. Barry’s eyes were bloodshot and the bags under his eyes were violet. Joe put a hand on the speedster’s face.

“I’m here. Cisco and I are here. And Barr… Cisco has answers.” Joe said that last part hesitantly, not knowing how The Flash would react. Barry shot up but regretted it instantly. His side felt a sharp pain. He stole a breath. It was then that he felt the weight. All over again, like a sick alarm. It reminded him that he wasn’t okay. His shoulders sank. His heart felt rotten.

“Barry?” Cisco questioned. Barry shook his head.

“I’m fine. You have answers?” Barry looked at the engineer expectantly. Cisco smiled.

“Yeah, man. We’re getting them home. We’re gonna get Chief Singh, Kamilla, and Iris home.” Barry flinched at her name. Joe gave Cisco a confused look. _Iris. Iris. Iris. Iris. Iris._ Barry punched his leg.

“Barry!” Joe shouted. _Iris. Iris._ Barry snatched his pillow and smashed his face into it. Joe fought with him and dodged Barry’s smacks shoving him away. Barry pushed his face farther and farther into the pillow until it was in his mouth. Eventually, with enough fighting, Cisco and Joe took the pillow back and convinced Barry to breathe. The two men looked at each other, terrified.

“Joe?” Barry whimpered. Joe turned to him.

“Y-Yeah Barr?”

“Can you get me a mirror?” Joe took a breath and made eye contact with Barry. He shook his head slightly.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea, Barr.” Barry flinched and he took Joe’s hands.

“Please. Please.” Joe nodded. Cisco went into one of the drawers and grabbed a hand-held mirror. He handed it to Barry, who took it quickly and laid on his back. He gazed deeply into the mirror.

“Joe,” Cisco whispered. Joe stared at his son. Cisco bumped his arm and nodded his head toward the Cortex. “Let’s leave him alone.” Joe touched the door handle but decided to watch Barry for a second. Barry was crying hard now.

“Iris, I dunno what’s wrong with me. I feel so bad. I can’t describe it. I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Joe closed the door.


End file.
